yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
