I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
