Got a toothbrush?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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