I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
