you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize