Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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