This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
