Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
