you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
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I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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