he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
