Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
