He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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