saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You're like the curious george of whores
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
