I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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