whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
