I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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