STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
