Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
