she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
