I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
