I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
