So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
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