just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
