Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
