You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
