O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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