Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
