You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
