"it" just moved
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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