So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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