I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
