i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
