You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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