South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
