I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Randomize
