Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
