i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
