Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
