90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
