Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
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The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
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I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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