My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
