I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i will never coherently bang her
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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