if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
