He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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