i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
