and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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