I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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