i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
