You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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