Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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