I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
That was before I lit my hair on fire
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
