I hate your face
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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