Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
