I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
