I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
