She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
