Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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