just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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