My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
