ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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