2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
