He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
