If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
