the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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