It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
