She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
