I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
