my phone needs a breathalizer
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
