a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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