i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
