There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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