I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
