We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
