Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
